Relationship Services, Inc. — Buy-a-Boyfriend Service™
I wanted to ask my girl out.
I built a fake telemarketing company, printed business cards, bought a phone number, and designed a fully scripted interactive voice experience that let her purchase a boyfriend.
This page documents the project, the tech behind it, and the most important outcome: she said yes.
The Setup
I designed business cards for a fictional company:
Relationship Services, Inc. Buy-a-Boyfriend™ Division
The front looked corporate and legitimate.
The back had a phone number ending in -luv-u.
If you called it, something happened.
The Card
Initial Plan (Abandoned)
My first instinct was to spin up my own server to handle calls directly.
That failed for two reasons: Phone call handling is annoying. I wanted fast iteration and branching logic, not a weekend fighting SIP. So I pivoted.
The Actual Implementation
I used Twilio and its flow-based call system and I did not have to build a custom back-end.
This let me:
- Buy a real phone number
- Handle incoming calls
- Branch logic based on keypad input
- Play hosted MP3s
- Inject recorded voice lines at key moments
Call Flow Overview
High-level flow:
- Call arrives
- Corporate greeting
- Menu of “boyfriend options”
- Comedy rejection paths
- One real option
- Recorded personal message
- The actual question
The Script
At Relationship Services, Inc.’s Buy-a-Boyfriend™ Service, we offer curated romance solutions from our exclusive catalog. This is a high-priority case. Please listen carefully, as today’s top matches are limited-time offers.
Option 1
Maluma Colombian pop star. Six-pack included. Possibly too sexy. Already has a daughter. Lives a busy, famous-person life.
Outcome:
Excellent choice. Malumaa will serenade you nightly — when he’s not on tour. Unfortunately, his tour schedule is booked until 2057, and he’s emotionally unavailable until further notice.
Option 2
Ricky Martin Living la vida loca since the 90s. Recently declared he would go hetero exclusively for you. Bonus: joint ownership of a dance studio.
Outcome:
Ricky is sold out. Please try another option.
Option 3
Su-mer-say Full-time admirer. Aspiring boyfriend. Thinks you invented sunlight. Claims a Caribbean mermaid once saved his life.
This one worked.
She picked me :3
After selecting Option 3, the system switches tone.
Congratulations. You’ve selected the Su-mer-say Boyfriend Ultra Deluxe Package. Su-mer-say is committed to providing emotional support, affection, constructive criticism, accountability, and lots of love.
Then the flow pauses.
A recording of my voice plays.
That’s where I ask her to be my girlfriend.
If She Says Yes
Processing your request… Item added to cart: 1 Su-mer-say (Boyfriend Edition) Cart total: 1 billion trillion dollars.
Applying promo code: TRUELOVE
Congratulations! Your transaction is complete.
As part of your premium subscription, your new boyfriend will be adding you to the family Spotify account shortly. Please be sure to accept the invitation.
Your first date is scheduled for Saturday, August 2nd, in the afternoon, in the city.
A song plays.
Closing Message
Thank you for choosing Relationship Services, Inc., where feelings come first and shipping is always free. Love is non-refundable, but highly customizable. Goodbye.
What I learned
- Voice UX design
- State-based logic
Emotionally, it was a gamble.
It paid off.
Final Outcome
She said yes.
The service was immediately retired.
One day Ima marry this girl.